UPGRADES

02.10.2016: HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

_{@regeneratingdegenerate // CONT.  ★}

_{★— IT FAILED TO SOOTHE any part of his psyche at that moment, particularly hearing the DAMAGE that it had caused. Wade was blaming himself — blaming himself for being open hearted, for allowing the will to HELP into his system — to LIKE helping others, and to be part of a trusted unit.} 

_{He exhaled something HEAVY, shaking his head at the words that were coming out of the mercs mouth.} 

      ❛  _{That’s not what I want either. I’ve said pick yourself up before, so I know it’s not going to work, but what good is slipping into oblivion going to do you, Wade? You know, I haven’t given up on you. There are many others who haven’t either, and though they may have difficulty showing it, not all is lost…} ❜

regeneratingdegenerate:

Deadpool continued to listen and he decided that Captain America should have campaigned and been president. He could have probably been the only viable independent candidate in… forever. Steve embodied leadership, compassion and diplomacy, all three of those were things which Deadpool had murdered or sabotaged in the past. It was going to be increasingly difficult to kill for a man who was Steve’s opposite, but thought himself an equal. “My entire life has been pain. Every second has been misery wrapped in malice, topped with a sprinkin’ of melancholy. That pain speaks for me because it’s what I know best, I know it more intimately than my own junk. The pain of life’s disappointments is all I can rely on, Cap. It’s like a comfort blanket to know that, no matter what I do, the world is always gonna be $#!&&!#% on somebody.” The mercenary propped his foot up against the brickwork, toes pointed to the ground. Deadpool adjusted his position so that his back was flush against its surface and his knee pointed toward Steve. It was just one way of keeping the distance between them.

Deadpool’s fists continued to hang at his sides like a pair of weights he struggled to lift. He fought desperately to keep himself from trembling with the fear of what he planned to do next. “I’ve already been honest with you. I’ve said that I wanna take control of my life, I wanna be a hero,” The mercenary cracked his neck to the left, “but there’s… there’s so much that you don’t know.” Deadpool’s neck cracked to the right. “There’s so much that you can’t know.” His toes drummed against the soles of his boots. “I appreciate more than anything what you did for me, Steve, I really do. You gave me the life that I always wanted and taught me to be more than I ever thought I could. You were my inspiration, my hero, and that’s why this is going to hurt me more than it’ll ever hurt you.”

Deadpool took advantage of their close proximity. Without further warning, Deadpool’s right leg pushed off from the wall to propel him into a burst of speed. The plan? A sharp dash past Captain America’s right side. Wade’s heart beat furiously against his chest. The world felt like it was going in slow motion while his adrenaline spiked. Deadpool drew his right arm up across his chest and sharply jutted his elbow toward the gunshot wound he had left in the good Captain’s shoulder. 

“Full disclosure, I never said this was gonna be painless for you!”

All he needed was a few seconds’ head start, just enough time to escape. Then he could do what he had to do and be free.

_{★—UNFORTUNATELY his terms in GOVERNMENT were short — orrather, cut short. Having Campaigned and won — only to turn it down since hehad very quickly realised that becoming a desk jockey and fighting from theback lines wasn’t particularly his style. Besides, there was something aboutthe BUREAUCRACY that had bothered him —– an evident grudge from the periodin which the president of the States had EXILED HIM, and he had had become theman without a country. Being the super soldier that he was, some scars didheal, but they would always – ALWAYS leave marks. Perhaps there was anotheruniverse in which Steve was president ( more likely than you think ).}

_{QUANTIFYING the feeling his chest was difficult — Wadespoke of pain, and the more he did, the more it hurt the Star Spangled Man. TheBURNING of rage and anger, staring at the merc and WISHING with all of hismight he would see clarity, as though his own azures had some sort of POWER toconvey just that. ICY and SOLID was his glare, focused entirely on thosepeering up at him.}

             ❛  _{Stop feeling SORRY for yourself, Deadpool!}   ❜ _{He foundhimself yelling, with genuine ferocity, He’d had his own moments; he’d fallenas far as he could, but he had always found a way of picking himself up —mostly to the credit of his team. Sure, he may not know the EXTENT to which theDAMAGE had been done to him, but what he DID know was that once you fall —you descend, and PLUMMET into oblivion. He’d seen it and been witness to itmore times than he had cared to count. The thing is — Wade hadn’t quitefallen, and instead he seemed to be teetering on the edge, staring down withwishful intent to make that plunge, and acting like he had already rather thanactually going for it —— a small thing that the Captain was grateful for.} 

             ❛  _{Don’t be like me, be BETTER than me. You know you have it in you, you know youcan put your trauma to help others, to save them from what you did – think ofALL the people you can save, all the lives that you could change.}   ❜

_{A BLUR OF CRIMSON , as Deadpool forced himself up — and itall seemed to happen so QUICKLY, even too quick for the Captain. Wade was aweapon, so was Steve, they were both MANUFACTURED to be weapons, only differencewas —- Steve took that divergence —- Wade had honed skills, and his speedwas something that he had OVER Steve. The elbow RAMMED into his wound and Stevegrowled, his teeth bared to restrain a yelp of agony from the fresh BURN thatlit up every nerve. But throughout that pain, as he staggered back, his armraised — SHIELD in hand, pointing it once so the edge was facing the mercbefore HURLING it with the strength of his left arm —- spinning through theair with IMMENSE force, all the while he clutched his shoulder.}

             ❛ _{You running away now!? If I was your hero I thought you’dlearn one thing – you NEVER run away from a fight!}   ❜

_{He watched his shield try and make its way toward the man,} ❛  _{What are you running from Wade? Me? Or yourself!?}   ❜

regeneratingdegenerate:

What would you do if you were faced against yourself, would you kill him too? Deadpool knew the answer to that before the question had even finished leaving Steve’s lips. If he could have killed himself, he would have done it years ago. Lord knows that he had tried on numerous occasions. 

Deadpool had made no further attempt to fight Captain America, not even when he came closer. He kept wary eyes on the other man, but he was so exhausted from all of it. Wade sighed deep and listened to the rousing speech. God, he felt the sparks of hope which Steve was always able to ignite within the pit of his stomach and they threatened to engulf him. There was a large part of him which wanted desperately to follow him, to shake his hand and stand there and take the punishment he deserved.

“I want to be the good guy.”

There was only one problem, an unfortunate elephant was in the room and its name was Stryfe.

Deadpool forced those hopeful sparks to extinguish, he buried them beneath the suffocating thoughts of what would happen if he failed to kill. No matter how badly Deadpool wanted to see Cap as right, he was hopelessly aware of the danger Stryfe posed to Ellie, so Cap had to be wrong. Four lives were what he owed the despicable clone of Cable. If they were not given to him, Deadpool would have to watch as the bastard killed his daughter. How could he stand there and plead his innocence when he still needed to shed more blood? Wade was frightened and ashamed, the very idea of telling Steve about turning to Stryfe well before the Hydra incident would only cause more problems and put his little girl at risk.

He had to deal with this, he had to put it to bed, and after that he would not be offered the chance to clear his name. 

Turning that anger back on was going to take every last ounce of effort he had left. Deadpool was perfectly capable of masking his emotional state. He tirelessly worked each and every day to force people to see him differently to how he was. Lately, the facade had felt like it was crumbling. Deadpool was more and more exposed as time went on and the angry, desperate man beneath the jokes had been showing through the cracks.

Deadpool opened his mouth and allowed the false justification of his past and future actions to spew forth. “A long time ago I made a choice that cursed me, I chose revenge instead of Death and since then I’ve never been able to end it. If I hadn’t listened to you, if I hadn’t picked up the phone, I wouldn’t be in this mess, ‘cause I would’ve died years ago. I’ve been making the same mistake since day one of being DEADPOOL. I’m sick of it. I take action when I shouldn’t, I’m alive against all odds and I know that none of this matters because it’s all coming to an end and this’ll all get written out and one day in the future I won’t even remember any of this.” He pained himself speaking these words, Deadpool had always wanted to be a hero. He had fought for it, when he admitted that to Steve, it was no lie.

The spite coming out of his mouth tasted bitter, like poison, and Deadpool detested every second of it. “I want to prove everyone right. I want to make people afraid. I want them to look at me and turn the other way, like they used to. I want them to wonder how someone doing something so damn twisted can even consider cracking jokes. I wanna fall so far and hit the ground so hard that I’m damn unrecognizable by the time I crawl out from under the rubble that my life has become. I want you to see me and feel damned because of the kind of person you once admitted onto the Avengers. You trusted me and you were wrong. You’re sitting there telling me that I’m wrong, that I’m not beyond redemption and I know you’re right. ‘Cause right now, I’m not beyond hope. I said that I’d already fallen but I was lying. I’m not done falling just yet, but by the time I’ve done what I need to, I will be beyond saving.”

Deadpool balled his hands into reluctant fists and considered the options of a quick exit. He could get away if he got in a good hit or two and then he could finish his dirty deeds. After that, he could finally marry Inez and avoid rotting like he deserved. 

“I want to be the good guy, but that guy ain’t gonna fix what’s broken.”

_{★— STOOD IN A MOMENT OF SILENCE– the both of them FACING one another as if the terrain around them were a barren desert, with only the two in existence. Nothing seemed to matter, the atmosphere between them was THICK AND TENSE and had been since the moment they had started talking, only now it was getting more heated, much more emotional than he had first thought this would be. Steve could feel that dull, HELPLESS ache drum beneath his ribs, pounding against it, causing pain EVERY passing moment; it was inexplicable — it wasn’t pity, or sorrow, or empathy, it was something more, something deeper and more profound. Compassion— perhaps.} 

_{That want, that NEED in his voice – it was genuine. This was no joke, to either of them. He WANTED to tell him, reassure him time and time again that there was HOPE that he could be a good guy – after all, he saw that shining light in him not so long ago. But right now, it seemed so buried, as though Wade were afraid of what was truly inside him; that heroism, that heart, that vulnerability that was previously on display– now clearly EXPLOITED and torn apart. The sheer trauma of such a thing was enough for Steve to understand – sometimes people didn’t want to go back, in fear that it would happen over and over again. In this case, Wade had been through the ringer and lost it all.} 

              ❛  _{When I woke up here— I realised, that I had lost EVERYTHING. My friends, my family, my life, all gone. But there are ways of finding yourself again, finding that GOODNESS in you that you just need to reach out to, and letting that carry you to a place BEYOND where you think you can go. I thought I was broken, lost, without a cause or purpose, but every day brings new evils, and with that we need to TIP the scale and counter it with GOOD. Now you’re saying you want to be good, you’re saying you WANT to. So you saying all of that, you’re saying that you want me to look at you and feel DAMNED for allowing you into my circle of trust and people who I hold dear. The fact of the matter is, that WANT still makes you a good guy. You’re fighting your heart, you’re stood there FIGHTING it saying that all you’ve been through – you want to prove the negativity of the public RIGHT. But you know… You’ll never be able to do that. Because what you WANT is goodness, what you WANT is to help others, what you WANT is to be the hero you knew that you’ve tried so hard to be your entire life. Not for me, not for anyone else, but for yourself. Now you’re saying you’re like glass; you can put yourself together but it’ll always have those cracks; but you’re not. Your imperfections are what makes you human. Your rage is your drive to strive to do better in this world. For those you have lost? Do not seek revenge, you AVENGE them. You can fix those cracks, Deadpool, you can put yourself together, but you’ll need help. Let us help you, let ME help you. I know, before you say it, that you think what you’re tellin’ me is going out of one ear and coming out the other, but I’m LISTENING to you, I just don’t think you truly believe what you’re tellin’ me. That’s pain speaking for you, are you going to let it speak for you for the rest of your LIFE? Or are you going to take control again, and be who you truly WANT to be?}   ❜

regeneratingdegenerate:

“Rebuild? You don’t get it!” Deadpool was just becoming increasingly erratic. The fight had lulled by his own doing and the tide of bad thoughts had washed back onto the shore of his mind. He wrangled his hands in the air, they looked like claws where his fingers grasped at nothing out of sheer frustration. “You were replaced and impersonated! I don’t have the luxury of that excuse!” The mercenary yelled. Deadpool started to pace back and forth a few feet at a time, his attention fixed squarely on the Captain. With each turn of his heel, Deadpool’s head snapped back to Steve. His voice was gravel and gasoline and it felt strained as he continued on. “I followed your doppelganger because he would’ve taken Ellie if I didn’t – but nobody knows about Ellie because I cannot risk her. Not that it matters now, ‘cause she’s gone.” The last word hurt more than anything.

“I did my best to screw with the regime; I leaked information, I left the resistance alone, but I still lost everything!” Deadpool counted the following actions off on his fingers. “Nobody cares that I tried to kill the $#!& out of Stevil Rogers but couldn’t because Maria Hill @#?&ed it up for me. I couldn’t help set things right because I was trapped under a building’s worth of rubble. You ask her, you ask her!” An accusatory finger was jammed in Steve’s direction and Deadpool snatched it back, it fell to a fist at his side. “I begged her to let me fight but she couldn’t trust me. She buried me for over three days!” Deadpool was seething. His entire body had locked up into jagged points and the sharpest of actions. “I had to tear myself in two just to escape the van she parked on my gut! You know, it’s actually remarkable how blood makes the debris so slippery, ‘cause I don’t think I would’ve been strong enough to shift enough of it if I hadn’t had the lubricant.” The anger seemed to come in fits and starts and it suddenly shifted to melancholy. “Maybe I should’ve stayed down there. Who knows, maybe I could’ve starved to death.”  

The energy he had been holding onto was seemingly fading, all of the anger rapidly replaced with despair. For the first time since the confrontation had started, Deadpool allowed his gaze to falter and slam into the floor. His shoulders slumped and the fists at his sides relaxed into open palms. The mercenary staggered back. He was so damn tired. All of the running and the fighting, looking over his shoulder after every few steps, it was an ordeal. As the adrenaline spike dissipated, Deadpool finally allowed the emotion swelling in his gut to be felt. It hit him harder than that building ever did. The swords strapped to his back clattered against brickwork and he rested his head back against the hard surface. 

Wade looked over to his childhood hero, the icon who had inspired millions, and what he saw reflected back at him was everything which he had allowed himself to lose. The Avengers were the best jobs he had ever worked, the popularity was the most heartwarming thing of his career and the safety of his daughter was guaranteed. Now where was he? He had followed the red white and blue into the abyss and was back to killing, being feared and despised while not even knowing the whereabouts of his little girl. His thoughts roamed to Inez, back at home in their shared apartment, the mutant mercenary he had proposed to months ago. She was all he had. The only thing left to fight for, the one thing he would not allow himself to lose. Wade decided right then that he would marry her, even if it meant fighting every last superhero on the face of the planet to stay out of jail until he did.

“I’m better than this.” Deadpool repeated, unconvinced. “Yeah, sure. Destiny’s garbage man, the worst Avenger.” A momentary pause. “–Sorry, former Avenger.” A smile flickered at the corner of the mercenary’s masked mouth. “All that talk about forgiveness and learning and stuff don’t really mean much to me, Cap. Like I said, I don’t have the luxury of the reset button. I don’t get to say that I wasn’t really there. I’m the scapegoat. The one person who the media can lay the blame on, the dirtbag who tricked the world into loving him when people only really cared because they were placing bets on when he’d fail.“ A beat. “Oh $#!&! That’s exactly what Willem Dafoe was talkin’ about back in ‘02. I finally get it.” Deadpool stepped away from the wall. “I won’t be coming with you, Steve. I don’t care how badly you’re gonna beat me, I am not going to prison.”

_{★— ALONE, THE FACT THAT OTHERS BOUGHT THE ACT OF THE DOPPELGANGER was something that PIERCED his heart, this was like the Skrull invasion all over again; how could they think that HE was really something so evil, so twisted and filled with VENOMOUS SPITE, to carry himself in such a manner and for others to actually give him their TRUST? That hurt him, that made him HATE the THING that it was — anger boiling his blood, despite him reminding himself that this wasn’t about HIM at the moment. Still, that ACHE seemed to couple with the bullet wound that stained his uniform, blue bleeding red – a purple stain growing along the patch of his shoulder as fluidly as watercolour paint on paper. Devastation was apparent.} 

_{Following him with UTTER FIXATION, there wasn’t a second in which his azures left the pacing man, those last words causing even HIM to wince – feeling the sensation of loss, hearing it ring loud and clear through a voice that had seen MORE than his fair share of pain. EVERY ACCUSATION was sent his way, having to put on the same face he would have to when his Sarge would shout at him over and over for not being THERE the night they needed them because he was out being Captain America and having his own adventures, when things were OH SO different, – straight lipped, shoulders tall and squared, azures facing the figure that seemed on the brink of HYSTERICAL recalling his story and his many woes. It was no surprise that Hill had something to do with this – and had annoyed Wade somehow, in a way that seemed INHUMANE — but that was to be said about the woman that had all of SHIELDS gunmen targeting him, trying to eliminate him as though he were a RAT. With the possibility that she’d changed – he was met with the PLEASANT HILL fiasco, which rekindled the old grudge given what it had led to. GRIM as the story was, retelling of gore, Steve still stood firm with that expression of knitted brows that only hid how PAINED he was by it. As though Wade, in this state, would ALLOW empathy from the Star Spangled Man. An ache in his jaw began to ring loud and clear when he realised how very HARD he was grinding his back teeth at that very moment in time.} 

_{SWALLOWING that lump in his throat, taking a breath and lifting his chin with a pose oozing}STRENGTH_{, even though he had felt so WEAK and helpless at what was spoken.} 

            ❛  _{You were a SCAPEGOAT, you’ve said it yourself. HOW can you allow the media to blame this all on you when you know that isn’t JUSTICE? You’re speaking as though you KNOW your fate, as though you think that there is NO redemption, no RESET as you said, but you’re wrong. You are WRONG. You’re wrong and I’ll say that again and again until you UNDERSTAND what I’m saying.}   ❜ _{He stepped toward him, body taught and BRACED for any hit he may receive, a 6′’2 wall of MUSCLE as he was, armed with his trusted shield that had fallen to a drop by his side.}

            ❛  _{WHY are you putting yourself into this box? You’re forcing yourself into a corner and that is YOUR fault, if you don’t stand up and fight, show them all that they’ve been wrong, that you’ve been USED. Listen to me Wade, for once, I’ve seen men in worse positions get themselves out, and then STRIVE and flourish doing what they LOVE. Now tell me, do you love killing? Is that what you WANT to do? Do you WANT to spill more blood on your hands – claim the lives of the innocent? Dig yourself deeper into hatred – because that’s all you’ve got, right? There is no redemption, no want to be a better person, to out DO those who oppressed you, who thought that you would be nothing one day? Abandon COMPASSION – that’s something I can’t do, it’s what gives me STRENGTH, but can you do that, because truth be told, I don’t think you’re capable of it. You can do a lot, abandoning your morals, and yes, even you, Deadpool, have morals. What would you do if you were faced against yourself, would you kill him too? You can’t run forever, Deadpool, and no. I’m not going to take you to PRISON, I want you to fight by my side, not against me. But here you are, DETERMINED not to want to clear your name. You say it’s impossible — that everyone was ROOTING for you — well I still am. Where is the man I saw that fight in, the one who I saw as an asset when you fought under my instruction? When I was weak, without my serum, I TRUSTED YOU. And I know, now of all times, to ask you to trust me is — well, it’s taboo, after what HE had done in my name, and how loyally you had followed him, but I don’t want to fight you. I don’t want to see you like this. Can you live bathed in blood your entire life? Can you LIVE like this? Can you stand against me, look me in the eye, and say that this is what you’ve always wanted to be? As bad as the people that HOLD YOU DOWN and label you a WEAPON? Tell me Wade Wilson —- Tell me who you WANT to be!}  ❜

regeneratingdegenerate:

Holy @#?&.

He had shot Captain America. The eyes hidden beneath opaque white lenses had watched the bullet had go through the Captain’s shoulder. Deadpool’s jaw hung open; the mask thankfully disguised his startled expression. The weapon was fully loaded and still aimed squarely at his childhood hero but he had only squeezed the trigger once. His entire future as a free man hinged on these next few seconds and yet he had frozen. Deadpool needed to run but his feet would not move. The pit in his stomach opened up and he fell into a tsunami of nausea which ripped through his system in waves. There was nothing to hold onto and Wade felt helpless to prevent the overwhelming situation from carrying him away.

What was it he said about being fallen?

The blur of red, white and blue barreled into him. Deadpool felt his wrist bend onto itself and pain shot up his forearm. His hand reactively relaxed its grip and the gun clattered to the floor with a heavy thunk. The vibranium shield was useless to fight against, Deadpool ended up with his limb bent awkwardly against his torso as the weight of the super soldier threatened to take him off balance.

The two of them were made to be weapons and, to Deadpool’s great shame, that is exactly what Department K and Butler had partially succeeded in creating. He was a man who used his body and his powers to end the lives of others for years.  Not many people could survive an onslaught from an unkillable assassin.  Being a weapon for so long had its advantages, its grisly upsides. In combat, when he was fighting to end the lives of others, Deadpool found that his mind had clarity. Fighting could clear his mind of everything; Deadpool obtained a focus during battle which his fluctuating cellular structure was usually unable to maintain.

He readjusted his stance to compensate for the weight which forced his arm into his chest. Deadpool leaned into Steve and grit his teeth against the Captain’s far superior strength. The mercenary’s free hand could have easily reached for the second pistol on his thigh and put another round into Steve’s gut but that would have been too easy. This was exactly what he needed. “You could use a breathmint, Cap.” His head tilted to the left and he smiled. “Tic-Tac?”

The fight had snapped him back into the sleazy motormouth most people knew. Any remorse or guilt had been easily pushed to the back of his mind. “I’m feelin’ pretty oppressed right now, Cap. I think I’d feel a lot more free if the American government and their Flag-Wearin’ Mascot weren’t literally twisting my arm.” Captain America was strong but Deadpool was fast. The mercenary lashed out with a vicious kick to Steve’s kneecap and he propelled himself backwards a few feet. Free from the crushing pressure of the shield for the moment, Deadpool flexed his arm and wiggled his fingers. He placed his left palm horizontally against the vertical-pointing fingertips on his right hand, creating the ‘time out’ gesture.

“Let’s recap. I killed Coulson and the government wanna throw me into a prison cell and toss away the key ‘cause I’m a threat to National Security. Sure, it was bad intel that took me down that path, but I still did it. I murdered a government official because I didn’t check my sources. You think those are the imperfections I should be embracing?” Deadpool shook his head and released the second, identical pistol from its holster. “You think that a few hearty speeches and a ‘DeadpoolWasRight’ hashtag is gonna fix this? I ain’t stupid, you think that because we were ‘friends’ that I’m going to, what, stand down? Come quietly? I am not going to rot because of a mistake.”

★_— QUIRKY QUIPS _{even in the midst of battle - that was what Deadpool was FAMED for; effortless tact, veiled in humour that would off-throw the strongest of opponents. It was unintentional, Steve thought, but also knew it was a mental tactic whether Deadpool was aware of that or not. Humour could work one of two ways; to make the opponent laugh, or to anger them, either way it would lower that mental guard JUST a fraction, and a fraction of an inch was all Wade needed to deliver a killing blow. Perhaps it was awareness of this that made Steve MORE on edge.}

❛ I am NOT a puppet for the government, get that out of your head, pal. They may have given me their serum, but I don’t BELONG to them. Get that right.   ❜

_{Falling back after the S M A C K to his kneecap, luckily managing to crouch and balance on his other leg, he wasn’t out of the fight just yet. The Captain bit down on his back teeth, grinding them with the anger he felt just LISTENING to Deadpool recap the situation, the fact that he wasn’t THERE was a mistake – the fact that he had taken so long to get out of the prison of the Cosmic Cube was another mistake. But he couldn’t dwell upon what now couldn’t be helped, the fact of the matter was that Deadpool was slipping back into his old ways – even worse, some may say, because of what had happened. Steve could quite easily pin the blame on his alter-self that was now rotting in a jail cell, but he knew that snake wasn’t ENTIRELY to blame for this.} 

      ❛  _{You’re not even listening to yourself, yet alone me. You had BAD INTEL, and you didn’t FACT CHECK – because you TRUSTED where it was coming from, as most soldiers do. You are NOT the first man I’ve ever met that’s fallen and killed a man because of of bad intelligence, but TRUST —- now that’s somethin’, it’s a trait that GOOD MEN have, men with a heart have that trait. And you may ask— where it got you? In this position? Yes, there ARE people in this world that exploit those with the heart that want to do good, they are VENOMOUS and they’re the ones that need to be put in their place. But we can’t learn about them unless we get bitten, yes, it hurts, it’s sore, but you need to LEARN from those mistakes. Now I’m not saying that means to close off your heart and trust to the world, I’m saying you now dig around, do your research, find the stem of that poison and you make sure it doesn’t infect anyone ever again.}  ❜ _{The pain seared through his shoulder as he picked up his shield and stood, slowly, carefully, staring down that barrel once more with not a HINT of fear in his eyes – but raw fire.} ❛  _{The government may be after you, but you need to be the bigger man here,  I’m not here to hurt you, you’re MAKING me do this – if you want to clear your name, come with me. We BOTH have some of that to do. Work WITH me, Wilson, not against me. Right now I want you to see that this rage, this pain you’re feelin’ —- it ain’t going to go away if you slip into old ways again, it’s just NOT going to help. Rebuild what you had, and this time, stand closer to it. If you want to blame me for what happened with HIM, then do it. Do it NOW. But just remember what I said —- you’re better than this. You’ve always been better than this.}  ❜

regeneratingdegenerate:

Steve’s words hung in Wade’s mind and he could not push them aside no matter how much he wanted to. Deadpool’s arm was trembling, the gun wavered and he fought to keep himself in control. The anger and adrenaline rushed through his veins, emotion clouded his judgment and vision. He couldn’t pull the trigger, could he? Did he even want to? The Captain was right, of course, Deadpool was only letting himself down. The people who cared about him had been turned away because of his actions, hell, he wasn’t even permitted to see is own daughter anymore. There were no upsides, nothing to gain, all Deadpool had done was dig deep into the soil and begin setting up the foundations of his own goddamn grave. 

Wade’s upper lip curled into a snarl beneath the mask. He hated this. This confrontation was boiling into his conscience and it bubbled over into self doubt and complete uncertainty. This was the best course of action for everybody, he reminded himself, this was the only choice. Ellie was better off without him and the Avengers couldn’t taint their reputation by accepting him back onto the roster. Steve Rogers, the one man who was willing to see his potential, would be right to loathe him and cross him off the list as a disappointing experiment in what could have been.

Was being a failed experiment not his entire purpose?

The uncharacteristic silence spoke volumes and, for Deadpool, that was not good enough. The Merc With A Mouth had to say something. “Nobody’s making me do anything! This is all me! You thought I couldn’t sink this low? You thought I was better than this?” He laughed, exhausted. “Cap, you cannot possibly understand the depths I have sunken to and I pray to God that you never find out because, if you did, I think the truth about the kind of person you admitted into the Avengers would forever cast a shadow of doubt over your judgment.” Keeping blind elderly women hostage. Mentally and physically torturing his ‘friends’. Killing because it made the world afraid. Murdering the guardian of his child. So. Much. Blood. 

There was good too, wasn’t there?

“I haven’t got my daughter – I never really did – I haven’t got my team, I haven’t got the law on my side. What am I getting out of this? I’m getting out. You think I’m still falling, that there’s still a chance to soar in an’ put me back onto my feet. That’s your mistake. I’ve already fallen.”

Deadpool pulled the trigger. 

_{★— UNMOVING IN HIS THOUGHT – he had considered discernment a STRENGTH of his rather than a weakness — and never had thought he would be lacking in that department.} 

_{Consumed by dark thoughts, triggered by tragedy, clearly had Deadpool this way – now it was a matter of trying to get him out of this rut into the light so he could see CLARITY, but Steve was certain that this couldn’t be done unless the man helped carry his own weight; to stand on his own two feet and accept wrongdoings, to put the past behind him and to DIVE into the future with powerful ethics paving his way. It wasn’t going to be easy, that much could be said, life as of recent particularly was far from it, but Deadpool had been through WORSE, Steve was sure. There was a reason that he had recruited him, and that was because he SAW something in him. Not to toot his own horn but generally fans of Captain America turned out to have that GOODNESS in them – and it wasn’t just about Steve, it was about idolising what he had once, and still stood for; HOPE. COMPASSION. KINDNESS. LIBERTY.} 

_{Right in that very moment, staring down the barrel of a gun he couldn’t allow him to be consumed by pain, not when he had a firearm pointed his way. As unpredictable as Wade was, his next move wasn’t one that Steve could see coming—} 

_{—– Just as he opened his mouth to speak he could hear the ticking of the chamber as the gun was then fired. Azures shot open with shock, darting to one side, but given the proximity, he wasn’t able to raise his shield in time, nor was he able to get away completely. The bullet had sunken into his right shoulder, and searing pain coursed through his body. After a shout of pain, muffled by gritted teeth, he remained on his feet whilst the crimson glove clasped over his wound for a moment, to raise his shield.} 

_{A knee-jerk reaction, but maybe he needed a good KNOCK on the head to realise what he was doing. With retaliation he raised his defence-weapon up and} RAMMED _{it forward toward the merc, more specifically, his trigger-hand.} 

  ❛   _{Then GET UP, DEADPOOL.}   ❜

_{With his weight thrown behind his shield, slightly weakened by the wound, he couldn’t let this shot be the ending point. This couldn’t be the moment he lost an ally.} 

     ❛  _{Do you think that this is going to FREE you? By being no ones man but your own? No. You’re not free, far FROM it. You are LOST, Wilson. You’ve strayed away so far you no longer see LIGHT — but don’t you DARE think that you’re completely gone, because you’re not. I know you could’ve killed me with that shot, if I moved you could’ve easily drawn a katana and gotten me, but you didn’t. You gave me time to REACT, there wasn’t a silent kill – no laughs, no humour. You aren’t doing this because you WANT to—}  ❜ _{He pushed harder on his shield whilst he spoke,}  ❛   _{I’ve seen men fall to the depths, I’ve watched them dive into darkness and be all consumed by it, to turn against all they have once known and abandon their HEART, but you’re more than that. No, this isn’t judgement, this is FACT. You were made like me, to be a weapon, but neither of us became what they wanted. Many say I am, they said I was a poster boy – But I was the man who never wanted to pick up a gun, I was the one who stood against them and their law, I was FRAMED for things I didn’t do and exiled, I was ASSASSINATED– I don’t need to plead my case here, the point still stands, that I am NOT perfect and I acknowledge that. But we EMBRACE our imperfections and turn them into our strengths. Right now, I don’t know what or who has gotten to you, to make you think this way – but loss twists us, and changes us. We need to be STRONG, we need to STAND and find our ground before we fly, and I know you can do that, Wade. This momentary dark cloud – it’ll pass, my thoughts of you haven’t CHANGED. We all have lapses of weakness— Now you can either take my hand or keep fighting. Let me HELP you, I don’t want to hurt you.}  ❜