she froze. he was right. he was so right. her hands slipped from the glass as she turned back to him, chin tilting and her face moving closer to his. staring at him for just a moment as she could feel the tears prickling at the corner of her eyes. slowly she began to nod her head in response. ❝ you’re… you’re right. ❞ she softly whispered under her breath as her hand reached out, but eyes remained on him as the glass was pushed further away, until it was out of peggy’s reach and she was forced to drop her hand back by her side.
❝ …but you will never understand, captain. how hard it has been for me. when i got out of that hospital. and was told that you had been killed in action. being told that you were no longer walking amongst us. that you were gone. dead. that i would NEVER see you again. ❞
★— He may have not understood what it was like to be in Peggy’s shoes, but he DID understand eternal loss – the price of waking up in the future, alive and without his friends and family – being ALONE. He’d even had to watch a few of his friends reach the ends of their lives, and that itself was painful – SEEING it was painful, knowing about it hurt just as much.
Azures met her eyes with such INTENSITY about them, jaw TENSED and a clear visualisation of how he could feel the pain radiating from her.
❛ I know what it’s like to lose people, Peggy. I know how it feels to never see them again – but we mustn’t allow those demons to consume you. No matter what pains we face, we MUST find away to push against them, even if we’re suffering in the process. It’s endurance… It makes us stronger.❜
she kept the glass by her lips; slowly drinking down the contents of the glass. allow the liquor to burn the back of her throat with each swallow, until the glass was empty and she had drained every last drop. hands moved to place the glass back on the counter before her head turned to look at him. the pain of losing him, in such a way. to lose the one person she wanted to be with. someone she trusted, someone whom she’d risk her own life for. and he was gone in a flash. the pain of the war followed her around like a bad smell. no matter where she turned she was reminded of the horrific sights. the blood that coated the fields, the mass graves of those whom they had lost in such a horrendous fight. allies & friends, all murdered within seconds as bullets came raining down upon them. and there was nothing peggy could do to stop it. expect from remember. remember all their faces, their dying breaths & dying wishes. that’s all she could do.
❝ then it seems i don’t have an answer for you, captain. ❞ a shrug followed her answer; back turning to him as she grabbed the bottle again. popping off the lid and sent it half way across the kitchen counter and began to refill her glass. she couldn’t say to him that it all started since the end of the war. since the day she read in bold letters that captain america was missing in action; claimed to be killed in the line of action to save his country. his death & all the others is what lead peggy to try and drown out her pain whenever it was necessary. she still refused to let herself drink on the job. her work was too important. ❝ …it’s been hard on a lot of us. you should know that more than anyone. i just wanted it all to stop. the pain. the voices. everything. ❞
★— It sounded all too familiar. Back home – or rather – the FUTURE in this context he’d heard it from Tony and from Carol, both heroes that would carry the weight of the world on their shoulders and yet, would struggle the most with their demons; their insecurities taking hold and the temptation of drowning out the pain ever so prominent with the sheer LOSS they had faced time after time. That and of course there was his own FATHER who had taken to the bottle due to similar reasons; he’d seen too much, he’d witnessed too much pain, too much death.
The more he watched her with that bottle in her hands, the more it broke his heart. He could hear the liquid hitting the base of the glass and slowly start to fill, the liquid swirling as more as added drop by drop. His brows slanted and he shook his head. To think that he was the CAUSE of this – it hurt him more than any words had ever hurt him before. ❛ I know it’s been hard… But to drink – it’s a temporary repreive, it won’t last, it’ll kill you. ❜
Steve Rogers was your average kid, a who had nothing. He grew up during the great depression which resulted in him later on having a great value for everything that he now receives. He was meek as a child and was constantly bullied for his small size, that added to the fact that he had an extremely poor immune system and was diagnosed with every ailment and illness under the sun. Instead he continued with his education, specialising in arts where he constantly depicted himself as a super-hero, or drew heroes that could help save him.
After his mother (Sarah) passed away he faced a severe depression which he masked by engulfing himself in his pursuit of achieving his dream; joining the army and following in the footsteps of his father (Joseph).
He was constantly rejected. Time after time due to his small stature until he was taken on board project ‘rebirth’ where with the assistance of Howard Stark’s technology and Dr Josef Reinstien – he was turned into a super soldier. Initially he was a poster boy, being used for marketing campaigns by the US army in order to encourage recruitment as well as help improve the general PR image.
Breaking the rules and letting his complex get in the way, he decided to take down US’s number one enemy at the time – the Red Skull.
It was during a fight with Baron Zemo - that he had lost his best friend, Bucky Barnes in a tragic fall when the boy wonder was strapped to a rocket. Steve watched the rocket explode and that image had forever haunted his nightmares.
Taking down the Red Skull, he managed to save the country – however, it involved extreme self sacrifice as he steered the plane he was in into the sea. Luckily enough, it was preserved in ice as the sub-zero conditions froze Steve in a block of ice for a number of decades. The super-soldier serum is what had kept him alive all this time, preserved in ice until eventually he was thawed free – waking up, confused, dazed and delusional.
This is a largely 616 blog. Please ask if you want to RP MCU! - if you want to RP MCU you have one of two choices; either I will switch to MCU to suit you if you’re more comfortable with that OR we can do an alternate version where 616 meets your MCU.
All smut and gore will be tagged as NSFW or TW: Gore
Please be aware I’ve got one main trigger – Self Harm, if you could please tag themed posts with tw: self harm, I’d really appreciate it!
Feel free to thread
Do not expect instantaneous replies
Please remind me if I haven’t replied to our thread within a week.
Ship hate and bashing will not be tolerated.
Please have fun while threading! If you have ideas I would love to hear them.
Mun has been roleplaying as Steve Rogers for 4 years now. This is a reboot account after a hiatus.
IF YOU WANT TO CONTINUE A THREAD FROM AN ASK: please create a new thread and tag me. I will NOT continue asks that have been reblogged - it just makes things easier for the both of us!
I will drop your thread if I believe that you are godmodding / becoming a Gary/Mary sue.
I will assume your character knows little of mine or hasn’t met unless they have in the comics
ASKS: If you wish to continue a thread that has spawned from an ask meme, PLEASE create a new thread and tag me in it, rather than reblogging the ask! I just feel it messes up formatting and looks a bit clustered.
Please see my EXCLUSIVITY page for particular character exclusivity before interacting! I’m not exclusive on many characters but there’s just a handful that have sentimental value to me!
In terms of shipping, I am open minded and will usually provide your muse with a verse of their own. But please note, while I play Steve as bisexual I do NOT ship Steve and Bucky in any universe, please respect that and ensure that your ships are tagged and I’ll do the same. I usually tag anything to do with Tony/Steve as otp: you gave me a home.
